THE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO THE VINYL CLOAKROOM
So Comrades, while the basic PROD methodology is simple (You bring a couple of tunes. We play them. Communal joy/disinterest results depending on the quality of your selections) there always seem to be many, many questions that you want answered about the precise mechanics and how and why of the whole process. Herein I shall attempt to unravel for the layperson the arcane rituals, previously shrouded in an alcoholic haze, by which we ‘organise’ the tunes you bring and decide what goes on next……………….
Firstly, the basic process of how it works;
Select your two tunes (Remembering to put the disc in the case after you’ve been dancing around to it while getting ready)
Write the titles and track numbers on the sticker with your name (False names are acceptable, please remember to ensure the track you want is on the disc you’ve brought with you. If we can’t tell which track you’re after we can’t play it for you)
Entrust your selections to our lovely cloakroom attendant (Or Snoddy if Marmosette is busy.)
Take your cloakroom ticket (Please keep hold of the ticket and remember to pick up your stuff before you go home. You can leave it on the bus/in the cab/in a hedge if you want although we do keep hold of them if you do forget.)
We pull the tickets and play the tunes at random (The other half of your ticket goes into the hat, actually a furry bag, and are pulled out at random usually by other people at the club until we get fed up explaining it)
We never have time to play everything (When we’re running out of time we tend to go to one tune per person to get as many as possible in. If you have a preference in this case you could tell us)
We don’t guarantee to play your tunes – No whining
Secondly then, what I believe grown up web types call FAQ’s,
all essentially variants on why didn’t you/won’t you play my records
Will you really play anything?
short answer: Yes. Longer more accurate answer: probably
PROD is a saturday night, drinkin’ dancin’ good timin’ type of thing. While we love a good wallow in tear in my beer misery as much as any right thinking music lover, the idea is to bring party tunes and once the dancefloor gets going we are unlikely to wilfully kill it off with some desperately heartfelt and mournful singer-songwriter tosh better suited to another time.
Want two tracks off the same CD by the same artist? – chances are your enthusiasm is unlikely to spread to the rest of the crowd. They’ll need to be damn good choices and we’ll still likely space them out.
We try to fit as many of people’s selections in as we can. This boils down to about 10 mins playing time as a rule of thumb or just one tune if there’s a lot to get through. If you want to bring two long tunes you’ll need to be dead lucky (or cope with having them truncated somewhat) ‘cos you’re basically making sure someone else doesn’t get theirs played. Which is hardly in the spirit of things is it?
